#this is kinda a trauma dump

[mooneggtarts]

Mike will tellthe kid once he's a little older, or once Mike has the mental capacity to explain it

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

When I was a kid I used to lay on top of the couch’s arm rest thinking that it would make my stomach look like a Disney princesss

[notaplaceofhonour]

it’s october 7th. you hear about the attack by seeing people you followed glorifying the terrorist attack—a massacre, a pogrom—as victory & justified resistance, glorifying a terrorist group that was founded with the explicit intent to kill your entire people

you make a post in which you make it clear you support palestinians and oppose the ways israel has wronged them, explaining that the terrorist group is still not good. you know you will probably get some flacc from the pro-Hamas side, but naively underestimate how much.

you get thousands of notifications on that one post, the majority of them hateful comments.

some of the response is positive. multiple messages thank you for the post, expressing bafflement that it’s controversial.

a few Israelis are upset at the loaded language in your post, but explain their problems with it civilly. you called Israel “apartheid”. they ask you what apartheid laws Israel has. you admit you honestly don’t know.

your inbox is flooded with anonymous hate from anti-Israel leftists.

over the course of a few weeks you have received hundreds of death threats, a dozen rape threats. people accuse you of being pro-genocide. you’re a literal Nazi. you’re racist, you thirst for the blood of Palestinians. you’re brainwashed by propaganda, a shill for The Zionist Entity. a few of the hate messages are from literal Neo-Nazis; the overwhelming majority are from leftists, many of them queer.

you are considering suicide.

you see footage of the october 7th attacks. you see footage of the bombings in gaza. you see footage of a Jewish man being murdered at an anti-Israel rally.

a popular creator you follow posts in support of an antisemitic hate group that masquerades as a Jewish organization. this organization regularly posts blood libel and other antisemitic rhetoric, works with groups that are even more explicitly antisemitic, including celebrating October 7th, holocaust inversion, blood libel, “Khazar theory” and others. more than one of the orgs they work with is pro-Putin.

your former roommate liked the post.

graffiti appears on a street you frequent that says “#freepalestine” and “end settler colonialism”

the boyfriend of the friend you spent most of the summer with makes his first post about the war. it’s a reposted comic that mocks and downplays the october 7th attack.

you doubt he’ll be receptive to criticism. he’s shared leftist memes about “monied elites�� pulling all the strings and evangelicals being modern day “pharisees” in the past, and getting him to understand why that was antisemitic was like herding cats. you try anyway.

another of his Jewish friends also pushes back. he smugly dismisses her, tells her she’s falling for Zionist propaganda and uses several antisemitic tropes. you go off on him. he just deletes your comment.

you give up. you’re done. you block him.

you see anti-Israel posters and billboards around town

you mention what happened with the guy you went off on to his girlfriend—the friend you’ve grown very close to, who you’ve been listening to as she unburdens her fears for the future and complains about her bf’s BS over the last year. she doesn’t respond to you.

a friend of a friend shares posts tokenizing fringe groups that spread blood libel and have collaborated with holocaust deniers. you know they don’t know what you know, so you explain what those groups are. they seem somewhat receptive, apologize, and take it down

the next day they share several more posts that dip into antisemitic tropes. you mention this to your mutual friend, that you’re worried about them being radicalized. you’re not sure how receptive they’ll be to continued criticism

you have a confrontation with the foaf. in the meantime they’ve shared even more antisemitic posts. they say they didn’t mean to cause you distress but instead of stopping they effectively block you.

the “end settler colonialism” vandalism has been counter-vandalized with the words “commie propaganda” in place of “settler colonialism”. you don’t know if this is an improvement.

a month passes. the friend whose bf you went off on still hasn’t spoken to you. you see she shared a post defending an SJP chapter that posted Nazi cartoon caricatures of Jews repurposed in “Anti-Zionist” memes. you unfriend her on all social media platforms but you can’t bring yourself to block her number.

you see a friend of someone whose couch you surfed when you were homeless harassing Jewish celebrities with “Free Palestine” comments. you block them.

you’ve lost count of how many people you’ve unfollowed or blocked, or who’ve blocked you. friends, content creators.

when a friend takes an unusually long time to respond you worry if it’s because of your posts about antisemitism.

most of the podcasts, youtube channels, and other content creators you regularly engaged with no longer feel safe. you wonder who will be next

a couple friends wish you a happy hanukkah. you don’t celebrate much aside from lighting the hanukkiah and making some latkes.

you see posts about a destroyed chabad menorah, antisemitic comments on Jewish celebrities’ Hanukkah posts.

your neighborhood is covered in pro-Palestine & anti-Israel posters. some are seemingly innocuous, some are JVP “not in our name” posters. some call for intifada. “globalize the intifada” “Zionists fuck off!” “solidarity means attack!”

a man kills himself shouting “free palestine”. you learn about his suicide by seeing posts from several popular accounts you followed glorifying it.

you follow a bunch of jewish accounts on social media and commiserate with them about everything happening

your jewish friends post screenshots of the dead man’s antisemitic, pro-Hamas views. you look at his reddit and find even more horrific shit: anti-Ukraine posts. mocking Zelensky. “elites” are “lizard people”; the only named individual he calls a lizard person is Jewish. you start to notice a pattern: a lot of the people he dislikes just so happen to be jews.

several people you know share a post glorifying this man’s suicide. most are acquaintances, one is someone incredibly important to you.

you wonder how they would respond to your suicide.

you tell the close friend that shared this post how it scares you. you show them the receipts of the man’s antisemitism. their response is a single sentence. they didn’t know about the antisemitism.

they don’t apologize.

you notice none of your irl friends, even your closest ones, interact with your posts about antisemitism. you are able to vent to a couple friends, but no one has reach out to you

you try not to read into it. you try not to take it personally.

you haven’t slept well in months. you’ve always been an insomniac but not like this. you’re not sleeping until 4am, 6am, even 9am. even when you get to bed at a decent hour and get a full night’s rest it takes you hours to get out of bed.

a few weeks go by. the friend with the single sentence response shares a post saying they’re excited and proud to join a group to help palestinians. you’re excited and proud for them.

a couple days later, they share a post about a fundraiser to help a palestinian family get out of gaza. you note to yourself this is a much more effective & less concerning form of activism than the pro-suicidal antisemite post.

your friend shares another post about the fundraiser. it’s a joint post between their group and another group.

you open the other group’s page

the page is just a wall of signs from rallies. you swipe through one after another: “from the river to the sea”, “by any means necessary”, justifying/denying the atrocities of october 7th, calling for violent revolution. anything done in the name of resistance can’t be terrorism, all Israelis are terrorists. Jews aren’t indigenous; they’re white colonizers. holocaust inversion. other vile, thinly veiled violent rhetoric

you feel sick to your stomach imagining talking to your friend about it.

you already feel like you’re burdening the few friends you can talk to about this. you already feel like you think about it too much, talk about it too much. but you can’t not think about it; it affects every aspect of your life.

you’ve filtered out relevant keywords on more than one social media site to avoid the worst of it. some still manages to leak through.

there isn’t a single friend you regularly interact with that you don’t fear the moment when they will switch from listening to your concerns to seeing you as the evil zionist or indoctrinated hasbaranik they’ve been warned about.

it’s not an irrational fear. it keeps happening. you knew it would then, and you were powerless to do anything about it before, and you continue to be as it happens again and again.

you don’t know what to do about any of it.

[bunnieswithknives]

erm can we see more deer dale he's so silly

Deer Dale!!! Now with full antler face like I initially intended but could not figure out how to draw at the time

[itslilacokay]

seeeeeeveral ns?ava arts ive made

[llamaisllama777]

I loved today's episode but I wanna talk about something...

Did it feel like Nexus was projecting there near at the end?

Like all the stuff he said to Earth felt like stuff he must feel deep down. He says she's a puppet. (WRONG.)

He says people only brought her into their lives cause she was a simple puzzle piece, something nice and easy, someone who they could dump all their problems on...

SOUND FIMILAR????????

This is what Nexus feels like deep down. He feels like a puppet on a string and that people only took him in cause they needed something easy, someone to take the load of all the trauma.

He wants Earth to agree with him cause he NEEDS her to agree with him. He needs someone to tell him that he's right that Sun,Lunar,Monty,Solar,Moon, and the others are the villains, not him cause he can't handle the fact he is one. He needs someone to tell him he's not... but he is. He is the villain.

And he's still a puppet... just Dark Sun's now.

Nexus realizes that deep down, he's got nothing. He doesn't have Sun.

He doesn't have Solar.

He doesn't have Earth.

He doesn't have Lunar

He doesn't have Monty.

He doesn't have a daisy.

He has nothing.

He's got nobody.

Nexus needs someone to tell him he's in the right... but he's not, and no one will. You made your bed, Nexus... now lay in it.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

[storyshift-sk]

PART 1/2 - Storytime!

Once Upon A Time… Things were great! Until they weren’t. dun, dun, dun

Every great fictional world starts with a history lesson!

[hellaverse-critical-confessions]

So I just watched the new Helluva episode (the Specter Diddlers)

Most of the "fuck" humor just made me roll my eyes at worst, and I could sit through it at best. The focus on Millie was the sole reason I decided to check it out and I loved that she got to be badass and have new lore to her. Her and Blitz had notable chemistry (platonically speaking, though I've seen some people start considering the ship after this). I don't think I could add anything new to the already existing discussion, but I'll just say this:

Ronaldo's existence is... incredibly confusing. What kind of demon is he? How did he get to Earth? Sinner overlords are the ones that can be insanely powerful, see also: Alastor, but even he is confined to Hell. Succubi and some imps (like Barbie) can be registered as working on Earth, but they don't seem to have any special powers outside of seduction in the former's case. Aquatic hellborn demons exist, like Crimson's mafia or Glitz and Glam, but they also don't have powers. Let alone ones this showy. I mean, the one other time we've seen demonic possession was in Truth Seekers (iirc) done by Stolas, who is a Goetia, which this dude also isn't... so what is he and what was he doing up top?

(Though since he was also killed at the end, he had to have been a hellborn, as sinners can only die from angelic weapons...)

[lemonwrap]

Since it’s now spooky month, I’ve decided to share something truly terrifying! (A half edited draft)

[timetravellingshinigami]

True story 😅

gif credits @1strecomdejablue

[empressofkingfishers]

the Goat

wouldn't it be fucked up that when the Goat gets the Purple Crown he immediately hunts down Lamb and violently tries to attack them., screaming and shouting they did this to him.

Then the Goat freaks out and starts hyperventilating and crying when the reality of the situation sinks in.

He's not happy the Purple Crown picked him, he's fucking scared and terrified of what this means. Instead of accepting that he's been chosen for his true nature, he wants to blame the Lamb for it all. After all, he talked to them a few months ago, their godlike germs must've gotten on him. Or they released the Purple Crown to be cruel.

He was rather violent and hot-headed as a doeling, he nor his parents knew why he was so aggressive. He threw tantrums, broke horns, broke limbs, and pushed and punched fellow kids. He even once bit a Priest when they mistakenly called him by the wrong name. A cold fire burned within him, and his parents were afraid (and deep down inside he was too) he'd never live a normal life, and would someday be banished from the community. But he couldn't stop himself, he was just so... so... angry at nothing. At everything.

However when he was chosen by his successor, her Master (which is the same species as the Mystic Seller) he was taught discipline and ways to calm himself. He grew out of his temper and roughness thanks to schedules and discipline, though he is rude to those who worship the Gods.

He's devoted to his Master because it pretty much soothed his rage, gave him not only powers, a halo, but a new title and shed his old identity. He was essentially reborn and would gladly spend a hundred years being its mouthpiece until it desired a new Messenger. He knew its true name, he knew its prayers inside and out.

After all, it is an ultimate being, one who can see the threads of the worlds, time means nothing to it, it can never age or die, even if it is forgotten about. Heretical Gods and entities that lurk in the world are beneath it and its kind. To become a worshipper of a God is a sin and heavily frowned upon.

So to lose his halo, to lose his title of Messenger, is horrifying on its own, he is now a false idol that the Priests lectured against. But... he's lost the one thing he turned to to help curb the aggression within him. He cannot remember its name, for mere mortals and Gods cannot comprehend its true name, nor the true name of the others,

He's also lost his community, a sadistic twist to what he feared all along. What his parents had worried about came true, just not in the way they expected.

And worst of all, the thing he once called 'My Lord' and sent prayers to, said absolutely nothing before his halo was replaced by the Purple Crown in his sleep. It essentially iced him out, and he'd later learn it only picked him to instill piety and discipline within him for the cycle that will never be broken. It nudged him to learn about the past and the mistakes that had been made by his predecessor. He had essentially been groomed to become a better God of War, not a Messenger.

[acediaedeus]

a little afterthought from the last post about Ichigo, which I didn’t want to leave as a tag, cause it felt kinda unrelated, but yeah: the amount of existential and identity crises this boy had to go through is astounding.

he sees ghosts;

he killed his mother;

finding out he’s a shinigami;

finding out he’s a hollow;

finding out his father is a fucking liar (that one was a banger, straight up A+ parenting, give it up for Isshin);

finding out his whole life was planned and orchestrated by Aizen (I know Eren would go mad if someone pulled this shit on him);

finding out the spirit he thought was his sword wasn’t his sword all this time and actually is kind of the god he’s supposed to go defeat (casually, yk, like we all do on a nice Tuesday morning), and his actual sword is the Hollow he thought he needed to fight. but oh no, wait a moment, BOTH of them are his swords:

and oh yeah, he’s a quincy;

also don’t forget his mum dying wasn’t his fault, but wait no, it kinda was??

and of course that time he lost his powers aka the only thing allowing him to fulfil what he sees as his purpose in this life;

and then that one time a random dude pulled up and started gaslighting everyone around him, to the point that Ichigo started thinking HE was the one going mad (all that while still being powerless, so his sanity was already nonexistent);

and yeah, don’t forget the training with squad 0 when he got kicked out no sword, no nothing! (and was so ashamed and afraid of his father’s reaction he couldn’t go home, so he went to his boss???)

I could probably add some other stuff, but it’s not really canon, so let’s settle on these 11 points. obviously not in chronological order, bc I have memory issues and haven’t re-read the manga in a while, so don’t hold that against me, pls.

also, if this seems a little bit erratic, manic and unhinged… it’s bc it probably is, tbh. so I’m putting down tumblr before I write more bs.

aand last, but not least, I must thank @kingofanemptyworld , you are truly a darling and I couldn’t agree with you more, you never fail to validate my delusions!

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[esouliie]

it’s so strange to me how people can actually have healthy relationships with their parents? like… you guys are really like that… you didnt grow up without a father and you didn’t grow up with a emotionally absent, unwell mother…?

[dreamtydraw]

Entering depressed dreamty wave era of the month, I’ll excuse myself for being moody, I randomly feel like crying on the floor.

[annisshifting]

Shifting Advice that no one asked for.

I don't know why I'm writing this. No one asked, but I'm doing it anyway because why not? Maybe someone might actually find this helpful. So I'm shooting my shot into this void.

Q: Best shifting method?

A: We all know there isn't one "best" method, because the "best" is subjective yada yada. What your probably trying to ask is "I don't feel like this method is working how do I fix it?" Which here is a way to "fix" you can do to a method you like.

First, find the parts you don't like or get frustrated with. Take a moment when you're not solely focused on shifting and go through the method. Find the parts that make your brain go "yeah, no."

Next, decide what is you don't like about it. Don't wanna count? Wanna visualize something different? Takes too long? Figure out what it is about the method that bothers you.

Change it, look into other methods and add and take away until you have a method that is basically second nature to you.

I personally, listen to rain sounds, and invision that I'm half asleep listening to people in my DR talking. It's just what I was left with after working with the Alice in Wonderland method for so long. It feels completely natural to me and it feels like how my method should be.

Q: What happens when someone tries to wake you in your CR?

A: Now, this question is a little more complicated, but that's mainly because of what your personal beliefs are.

You see, this life we live is crazy weird. I'm not gonna lie it is, so don't stress out this decision, because it's completely possible that both these things are true at the same time.

In the Multiverse theory, you will wake up and respond as normal, because time is already a loose thing when it comes to shifting. So when someone comes to get you, you will already be back. It's a bit headache inducing if you think too long on it.

In the consciousness theory though, is where this gets a little weirder, but in the simplest way I can think of explaining this is, nothing happens in your CR when your not here because you're not here to witness it. It would be like someone hitting pause on a movie. Nothing happens well the movie is paused.

Deciding which theory you like more could help you with shifting.

Q: I haven't shifted yet and I don't know what to do :(

A: I'm not gonna give you that "shifting is so easy" and the "everyone can do it just believe" speech that has been given thousands of times. That's not what you're looking for.

I understand your pain, I do. As someone who has been attempting to shift for four years, I have been beaten black and blue over my time and it sometimes feels like it won't get easier.

But I hold out hope that it will.

All I can really suggest is when it feels like nothing is working. My suggestion is to look at the parts that frustrate you, they make you upset for a reason. Reverse engineer until you find the source of the problem, even if the answer is something that you don't like. I promise that facing that problem head on will make journey go so much faster then mine.

How much faster?

Well you might avoid writing shifting advice at three am to hide from the fact you feel lonely.

[keepthetension]

still stuck on mhok's trauma, unsurprisingly. i keep thinking about the opening scenes of this show, showing us day losing his sight, and mhok losing rung. i really thought that the show would spend equal time and care on both

my first post about this show was pointing out that the first shot of day is a close up of his eyes, and the first time we see mhok, he's holding something in his mouth. and i thought it was so interesting that we see mhok gagged, because society generally doesn't care what people who've been incarcerated have to say. or poor people. and by and large, it doesn't care about the voices of traumatized people, either

and i was so curious to see what the show was going to do with that. i can't believe the show itself was never really interested in what mhok has to say

and i'm stuck on mhok's time in hawaii. the show highlighted over and over again how poor he is, and we know that he didn't like studying. what are his english skills like? we saw singha there, and i think one other thai person. was that the extent of his social circle? he seemed pretty happy to leave hawaii behind, so did he make no new friends? did he spend his days off just sitting in his room by himself, the way day did when he went to songkla with mhok?

i assume he and porjai were still in touch, but he moved abroad at a time when his ptsd was getting worse, and in the wake of a terrible breakup, and he just walked all of that off? alone???

feeling overly protective and over-responsible is absolutely an understandable trauma response for mhok, but you know what else is? losing a relationship, and feeling like you HAVE to go back and fix it, and that if you can just get a do-over, you'll be able to do everything perfectly this time, and you'll get everything right, and everything will be okay! this makes more sense to me in the final episode than the idea of mhok and day having a happily ever after does